Flipping the Switch
by AvidAkiraReader
Summary: Ike and Olimar are two victims in Crazy's little experiment. The result of said experiment ends with Ike growing a beard and Olimar taking off his helmet. Lessons learned? Never, ever, ever make Crazy bored. For LLB and GSG's Bodyswitching Contest!
1. the Beginning

Flipping the Switch  
by AAR  
**Disclaimer**: Everything goes to their rightful owners, except stolen things.

* * *

"'I've…I've got a _beard_,' said Olimar to Ike, which really was Ike to Olimar, because through an undetermined experiment Crazy Hand performed—" Akira's head was suddenly slammed down onto the book she was reading from as the previously mentioned Hand flopped down on her. "Cr-Crazy…" she croaked as he laid lifelessly on her. "Get off."

"I'm hurt," he replied suddenly, "that you didn't remember that this is _my_ entry into their contest. So _you're_ not the narrator." He popped the knuckle of his middle finger, and an outraged Akira disappeared to go back into her own story. Clicking his fingers, a video camera and a tri-pod set themselves up before him, and with another snap, it turned on.

"Hello…LLB and GSG! Just saying, this event was _not_ my fault!"

-0-

Okay yeah, it technically is my fault, having Olimar exchange souls with Ike, but hey, look what they got out of it! Anyways, on some Tuesday afternoon in the middle of the _official_ tournament, I got bored. Like, really, really, really, really, really, really, _really_ bored—bored so much, that I exceeded the kind of boredom you sometimes get in long car trips. Either way, I was completely and irrevocably bored out of mind, that I switched the lava in Norfair for this red substance I was working with in a lab.

…of course I'm smart. What a horrible thing to say!

So, Olimar and Ike were in a duel to the end, because through a lot of string pulling and poisonous odors his Pikmin emitted, Olimar was one of the last ones standing up to Ike. Mario had fallen long ago to Olimar's poisonous fumes. It was my turn to choose a stage, and even though Master had _looked_ at me (he doesn't even have eyes! not unless he builds a temporary humanoid form!) and sighed.

I chose Norfair because it was one of the smaller stages I had built, plus, that really big humongous wave of lava that sometimes floods the camera screen, aka the entire stage? _Priceless_. So there I was, fiddling around with the stage, and five minutes before the match started, I had the brilliant idea of testing out that new substance which just so happened to make people exchange souls. Don't ask me how it works, it was that spark of inspiration and mindless mixing that doesn't register in your head.

By the first ten minutes of the match, the wave came in and with my unmatched form of meanness and crotchety-ness, I glitched that blue shield thing so that it wouldn't let them in. A play-by-play of their dialogue:

"No! No! Noooo! Why can't I get in?"

That's Ike screaming his denial. He's using those ultra-moon jump kind of jumps that don't register on a human level. Personally, I think it's just awesome how my brother messed with the physics in the virtual simulators, but that's child's play. Seriously. He did it when he was a child, _to me_ of all the Hands of our family.

What, you think I did something to warrant that kind of abuse?

This is Olimar panicking.

"Okay, okay, calm down, it's just lava, it won't burn through the suit, oh my sweet Pikmin, _it will_!"

I cackled at the time—I'm sorry. But really, it was probably the only chance I could take to test out that substance. Even Master congratulated me on it after the…slightly loud results. Ah, I somehow see Akira coming into the room and sadly into this recording—_no, c'mon sis, I wanna finish this _now_. Can't the Man wait? What do you mean, 'who's the Man?'? It's Master Hand, but seriously? We just can't—_She's approaching the camera really, really fast, so I have to finish this segment within the next ten seconds.

I'll finish it soon, I prom—!

-0-

"How did you even get in here?" demanded a sullen Crazy Hand to a smug Akira. "I threw you back into your own story!"

"Obviously," retorted Akira, "seeing as you don't have that speech impediment that your other self does. And you might as well call him _the_ Master, like Doctor Who."

"No, nuh uh. If you want to indulge your Doctor Who fantasies by calling the Man Koschei, be my guest, but I'm just going to call him the Man from now on."

The silver-haired woman looked at him, raising an eyebrow, and she turned the video camera towards her. She flicked the power button on again.

-0-

He'll continue this soon, probably after he apologizes to Ike again. But the likelihood of him being able to test it on someone else is definitely zero.

…Crazy, I should call _you_ Koschei. Hear any drums?

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Master—Crazy, you're right; this _is_ awkward, calling your own brother that. I'll just call him Kosch and you Chei, how about that?

You'll see Crazy record the second part sometime later. For now, he has to…attend a match in Smashville, and after that a convention in Delfino…and plus that little meeting at Mushroom Castle, eh, Chei—_no! I wasn't finished!_

-0-

Crazy, evidently weary of Akira's excuses for him to delay this clearly fascinating and true story, turned off the camera and sent a protesting silver-haired woman back to her own world. At least this was only the beginning, though.

* * *

**Author's Notes**: Okay, so I should apologize for the (apparently) cliche'd approach towards this contest. There's only two chapters to this little drabble-ish story, because I didn't really feel any inspiration coursing through me except the image of Ike having a beard. Doctor Who references are ablaze because of my obsession, and...well, let's face it. Calling your brother, 'Master', is undoubtedly going to be the most awkward thing ever.


	2. the Result and the Ending

Flipping the Switch  
by AAR  
Disclaimer: Everything goes to their rightful owners.

* * *

Chapter Two: The Result and an Ending

* * *

In a highly mysterious puff of smoke, one Crazy Hand temporarily transformed into a generic, hot-looking man with white hair and blue eyes. He stepped out of the smoke to adjust the camera, and with a final miniscule movement, the camera was finally in the right place. His gloved hand reached out to flick the power button on.

Crazy Hand had escaped the view of his crazy younger sister, and he was going to use this time wisely, or hell would pay!

-0-

By the time the two had gotten out of the 'lava', they had realized that something was obviously different. For one thing, Ike had gotten smaller and Olimar had gotten taller. Big things like that that never really slipped from one's mind, like Ike suddenly seeing from the inside of a space-helmet and Olimar seeing something covering the very top of his vision.

Olimar ripped out Ike's headband from his head a moment later, and I remember laughing at their short demise.

C'mon.

That's hilarious, seeing a previously short man exchange souls with a tall man.

After I shut the match down, the two had reported to the Man's office, who then sent them to _me_. I, of course, admitted to my mistakes with a grin and an honest look. Supposedly, according to the Man, I'm too honest. I don't see how, though, seeing as I lie to him about liking a campy television series.

What?

Forget what I said.

Instead, let me tell you of the stinging injury I got from one from Ike's new Pikmin.

Hm.

I should refer Ike as Ike-Olimar and Olimar as Olimar-Ike, huh? Probably. It'd be simpler, wouldn't it?

So Olimar, inside a very temperamental man's body with a big golden sword, starts swinging his sword at me, roaring insults relating to the origins of my parents. Instead of growing angry at this, I started pondering whether the emotions Olimar was reflecting represented Ike's spectrum of emotions (let's face it, Ike never actually grew up from his early teenage years) or if he had gained a new one.

With great patience and practice, I ignored the two's arguing (just so you know, they sounded like the body they were in instead of their original body) and pondered on life.

Because I'm just that deep, and I happen to have philosophical urges.

In case you were curious how the outcome of that particular experiment was, I figured out why we existed. I'm not telling you, though.

_Anyways_, I sent them off with nary a word about their predicament, and the two had to face the entire group of Smashers. They told the truth, of course, and the entire hotel shuddered with the roars of laughter.

Even the Man was chuckling a little.

Seriously, bro.

He was _chuckling_. I wasn't even aware he could chuckle until that point.

I'm getting off topic here.

The next few days at the hotel were deliciously hilariously. For one thing, after I had to reassure them that their problem was reversible, they started to take it as a joke and an opportunity to start pranking each other's bodies. I was most delighted when they revealed the changes in their base personality—Olimar had become more passionate (which was good for the garden), and Ike had turned more empathetic.

Not exactly sure how that's better, though. Maybe he'll score more ladies.

Anyhow.

Ike-Olimar had no kind of garden sense. Fortunately for him, his Pikmin (who were thoroughly confused at his lack of green thumb) took over the garden. Olimar-Ike was rather infuriated with him, actually, when Ike-Olimar confessed that he was horrible at growing anything.

So in a vindicated fashion, Olimar-Ike set out to grow out a blue-tinged goatee, which earned him a few hearty claps on the head. Now that I think about it…Olimar-Ike set off a revolution there, seeing as only a few of the Smashers had facial hair.

Link doesn't look smashing in a beard—just saying.

In fact, I should remind Zelda to ban him from even growing a mustache. It just looks horrible on him. I mean, he probably looks dashing with stubble, but once he starts trying to grow a Dumbledore-beard, he looks _scraggly_. Scraggly, I tell you! It's not even regal looking!

Annnnd, I'm getting off track again. Brr.

Olimar-Ike pulled off the beard rather well, in fact. It was styled to jut out, and it poked Ike-Olimar on the helmet. How did he grow this beard so fast? _Magic_.

You've heard the dialogue before, of course, but sometimes memories can become a bit fuzzy.

Ike-Olimar: I've…I've got a _beard_.

Cue the wide eyes Olimar's face gets when he's hurt or surprised. It's scary.

Olimar-Ike: I can't believe it's not a mustachio as I previously planned!

Mustachio.

Ike.

Combine, and explode.

I suppose I should tell you this happened in the buffet area, where most of the Smashers tend to lay about (lazies), so one should be able to predict the roars of laughter following that previous statement.

In response to the absurd-looking beard adorning _his_ face, Ike-Olimar took off Olimar's rather iconic helmet and turned blue.

Remember the helmet?

Yeah.

Thought so.

…

The helmet deserves some recognition, now that I think about it, because it keeps Olimar's body breathing. So, the Helmet was off, and like a light switch, all the chuckles turned off. No one, not even I, had ever seen the illustrious Helmet away from the little astronaut's head. I suppose I was lucky at the time, because I had installed cameras _almost_—that's to appease the Man—everywhere in the hotel.

What?

It's not odd, really. A hotel ought to have cameras anyways, because who knows if anyone will steal stuff or act suspicious?

Not that the Smashers would _dare_ to do so in front of the Man and I.

They're clever like that.

Anyhow, Ike-Olimar survived. I suppose it was just shyness that made Olimar keep the Helmet on. Silly man.

Wait.

Silly _little_ man, sorry. Can't help the short part—it's true. I mean, I could call Olimar dwarf, but dimensional size has never really been a problem in our hotel, seeing as we also host beds for what? Six feet tall turtles with red hair? The hair doesn't actually add to his height. Trust me, I've gone into his personal space. What for?

_What_ for?

I needed to measure him.

What _for_?

The bed, of course! Can't have the guest complaining how his feet dangle off the edge, eh?

Wait.

I'm getting off track. Okay, I can definitely finish this.

Around the last day of the soul-exchange (I told them quite clearly it would end that day, and I _never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever_ lie), Ike-Olimar and Olimar-Ike decided to hold a rather hilarious contest. A contest meant to measure how far could they go with violating their bodies, in a totally appropriate way. For example, think of the beard Olimar-Ike grew and Ike-Olimar taking off the Helmet. Kind of like that.

The entire morning was devoted to creeping their colleagues out—Ike-Olimar actually went to go climb Bowser and slather water mixed with glue on his shell. Of course, it didn't _look_ like water mixed with glue, it looked more like…

I won't go into the gory details, but you can imagine the full-out laughter and screams of Ike-Olimar as he ran through the hotel grounds.

'Course, Olimar-Ike went starkers, for lack of a better term, around the library and kitchen, and—

This video needs to stay age-appropriate. Geh.

So for about ten hours, the Man and I watched as the two raged chaos in the hotel. And as I promised, the two reversed their souls (bodies?) and found themselves in a great predicament. From what I heard, Olimar had placed Ike's body in _quite_ a dilemma: he had goaded Falcon and Mario into a strength contest. AKA, a brawl.

Not the official, virtual brawl, because from what Olimar had perceived, no one got injuries from a good kick to the—ahem.

On the other hand, Ike had centered Olimar's body on top of a Pikmin tightrope; one of the purple ones was clinging onto his foot when their souls reversed themselves.

All in all, the five day long project was a success and a very good thing to reminiscence on for this little contest!

Thanks—

-0-

"Akira!" whined Crazy Hand, slumping against the back of his seat. 'You cut me off!" he accused her, flailing his arms weakly.

"I'm sure you were done," she drawled back, taking the video camera off its tripod.

"I wasn't!"

"That was _sarcasm_," retorted Akira, shoving the camera in her pocket. She turned and starting going out of the room, gesturing towards Crazy Hand while saying, "I'll go and turn this in for you, hm?"

* * *

_fin_

* * *

**Author's Notes**: I have no regrets, whatsoever for writing this.


End file.
